Bring it on

Spent some of my day in budget moded mind thinking about how much money goes drainward every day in the world and trying not to get depressed about it or start badgering people spending twenty quid on lottery tickets and thirty five on fags in a oner. Given the Buddhist ideal of a 'right occupation' I'm not at all sure why I am selling false dreams and fagash for a living at the moment anyway; I see it as a necessary learning curve, not to mention a necessity full stop. I have made the momentous decision today that this week is absolutely, positively the last one I will work five days full time in a row in the cash-money-job. My soul and brain are melting and I need more time to get on with the rest of my plans for the year; painting, planning and researching are the words of the moment.

Turned down the temptation to purchase another glossy magazine as I still haven't finished reading the ones Stu gave me for Christmas; certainly an investment present, they have kept me amused for hours. Just so many things clamouring for my attention at present though, so my traditional night-time reading slot is being eroded by necessity to sleep and other such annoyances.

Off to the gallery for my four hour stint tomorrow and looking forward to it more than usual as I have barely put brush to canvas all week. Monday is a busy one too as I have the surveyors round to value the house as part of the remortgaging thing, a business plan to work on and the submission of the SSA show (annual rejection opportunity) to sort out. I really have no idea whatsoever why I do it, especially this year as for some reason I have less hope than ever; not because hope in my own work has diminished but because hope in the selection process and realism regarding the type of work accepted is finally kicking in. I suppose I have always held out the hope that I will be randomly accepted as some kind of wild card, or that one of the selectors will mistakenly label my painting wrong... But no, I am not even doing this in my usual 'if I think the worst, maybe the best will happen' way; I am beyond hope. But, it has to be said; extremely happy and optimistic.