Smiley karma

There is a line in 'From Dusk till Dawn' that I love - its always great when a really unlikely film throws up a great quote- along the lines of 'It doesn't matter who you are, a priest or a Buddhist monk, there comes a time in your life when you look in the mirror and ask, "am I a fool?" '.

The context is religion and loss of, but I always think of it in terms of my painting. Those days always come and are sometimes so hard to overcome; even when things are going well, confidence is a fickle thing. The upside is that it becomes easier to hear the inner voice, or istinct, that says 'no, but that is a crap painting' or 'leave it alone today and come back at it tomorrow.'

The latter is what I am doing today; painting for the sake of it is the easiest way I know to make you feel bad about yourself and produce something lousy out of a potentially great drawing.

Good news from all around however; card publishers didn't tell me to get a day job but asked me to resubmit in September when selection takes place. Giclee printer emailed very briefly with phone number, presumably preferred means of communication, and news that proof is ready and 'looks really good.' From a man of few words, high praise. From a man of few words who makes a living producing very high quality prints for some of the major shops and galleries of the city and produces his own range of greetings cards and fine art prints, music to my insecure ol' ears.

The wonders of budgeting; today I discovered that we were finishing June about £150 up on budget, so what did I do? Bought a smoothie. Woh, steady girl... I actually considered a haircut, makeup, charity shop jeans (!?) but all were rejected and filed 'unneccessary expenditure.'

I shall savour my decadent spirulina green scary smoothie and smile; the system works!

Tomorrow sees the start of the ESSA auction at Lyon and Turnbull; my (large) painting is up for grabs to the highest bidder, and I hardly dare breathe for fear of cursing it. Will spend next five days helping people over roads, freeing trapped creatures and smiling at strangers like an idiot; shame you can't walk into Tesco and ask for a 'karma top-up'. But nah, that's for cheaters...