Sandpaper and facewipes

Woo hoo. Feeling good today after a days digestion of the trains from yesterday. It was all good stuff running around my head on its little tracks with green foam trees, but it was awful messy; I think my excitement at so many ideas and consolidations was overwhelming. Quite clearly I do not have 'the answer' and am almost certainly not going to become an overnight painting sensation, but I do think another little line has been drawn in the sand. I am just so adament that I am able to succeed now, insofar as I understand success for myself; I sure as hell don't mean Cheryl Cole or Angelina Jolie success, but enough for me. Hey man, its a journey and I'm on my train of thought, heading west! I should really thank my employers in day-cash-job world for allowing me the time to think, doodle, meditate and problem solve my paintings, all while adhering to the job at hand; today I made a few major breakthroughs both in theory, ie: why am I doing this and should I keep doing it in this way, and practise: why do my faces always turn out great in the sketchbook and rubbish in the final painting? (Not always, but inconsisitently so.)

The first answer, as usual, is as obvious as the nose on yer face; my favourite quote, as quoted by my primary school teacher in my final report (he knew me well). "Above all, to thine own self be true". In Ing-world this translates as; 'don't try and paint stuff because someone else does or someone else tells you to. Paint what you know and what you want to paint.' Tres facile.
The practical bit is equally glaringly obvious; Andy Murray said it all tonight on the radio - its easy enough in practise or a minor game to find a natural, relaxed style, but put the pressure of a major on and nothing is further away from easy. My sketch book is a place of fluid lines and effortless compostion; put me in front of a board labelled 'big serious picture' and the effortless is replaced by harsh, tense lines and overworked nervousness.
Can't cure it overnight, but if I know what I'm treating, at least that is a breakthrough. Of course I know this already, but there is a real difference between knowing and knowing. Another thing I really love about Buddhism is the emphasis on superficial wisdom and 'insight wisdom', or knowing in theory and really knowing in your stomach. Sadly but oh so truly, I had no real wisdom about death until it reached out and touched me, and then there is no doubt how real the knowledge is. Same with happy things too; experience is all.

Tonight I took the sandpaper to my mermaid's face in search of a looser, more natural line, and lo and behold - the elusive aged effect that I have been seeking in frescoes and wall paintings like the awesome ones in Italy and Winchester (among other places!). Now I can redraw the important lines and highlights, hopefully with a relaxed hand, and keep it loose and unstructured. Wiped away the sawdust and stuff with a handy face wipe et voila!

So... now my sketchbook notes read thus; 'Spring over Archie's park - grass short comb, dark under, mint green over. Big scary insects, line drawing and scrafito, look @ Miro. Botticelli angel, sanded. Charlie and Lola dress.
Woo hoo, bring it on!
Stu made some fabby chilli oil today; cooked off some of our teeny dried chillies from the Chinese supermarket in some oil to really flavour and colour it, added some sliced garlic at the end so as not to burn it and cooled, bottled in this cool glass decanter and ta-da, now we have the herb oil bright green and deep red toasty flavoured chilli oil, which packs a punch in a subtley growing way!