Weeping woman

A theme developing. Posted yesterday on my tendency to express emotion when listening to music (I'm a blubber- movies too) and found to my initial delight a column in one of today's weekend papers which seemed to echo uncannily my admission. Sadly can't remember the writer's name or indeed which paper I was reading, (in dayjob dining room) but her initial confession matched my own; a dread of the 'festive' season for fear of being caught blubbing to carols.. So far so good; me thinking that I am not as sad as I had feared and may share my malady with a national newspaper journalist.. but no. Her tendency, she went on to explain, stemmed from the sentiment of watching the children perform in their tinsel-topped nativities and carol concerts; the proud parent brimming over at their prodgeny. Right, so I don't have any children, so we no longer have this in common and I am looking sadder by the minute. Try as I might I can find no reason for my sadness around beauty, for that is what moves me; ask Stu about the embarrassing incident in the Florence Duomo when I had an emotional reaction to the roof, or the time in the Musee Picasso when Dora Maar's tears became contagious... I no longer seem to cry much in the day to day structure of life, but give me a good piece of music, a painting that moves me or a film that for some unknown reason reaches this part of my psyche and away I go. I hasten to add that quality of plot, acting or direction have no bearing on this; I watched the movie 'Australia' for my birthday a couple of years ago and found it fatally flawed, but still needed a second tissue for the overblown sentimental climax.

Issues of tears reared their ugly head again today, as if to provide a flip side to the study; a random verbal attack by an angry customer left me blinking back tears of... what? Anger, mostly, that so many people will go for the quick fix when they are slighted or annoyed and shift the blame by venting their feelings on an inappropriate target. To show superiority? Importance? People are very spoiled. One of the facets of Buddhism I love but find very hard in reality is to 'let to'.. of negativity, bad experiences, grudges, niggles that keep coming back to my mind. I suppose at least I am aware of the fact; just need more practise. Not that this means I want frustrated, spoilt women to make me feel small on a regular basis....

Time to retreat to the studio and think of the many words of support and appreciation that I have been lucky enough to attract in the last year. And kick some painting ass.