Last Legs

List writing; how relaxing is it... just read someone else's blog intoning us to write a list of everything we have 'shipped' this year. Now I have to confess to slight ignorance with the use of the word; in cashjob it would mean that something had been posted or sent, in 'The Usual Suspects' I took it to mean 'killed', although now I think on it, it could have meant 'dobbed in', 'grassed', 'gave up'. Not sure about that though, my first instinct may, as in many other instances, be the correct one. In the context of the blog, however, I take it to mean 'accomplishments'; projects completed. Had you asked me this one when I was between the ages of eight (or earlier, memory wobbly before then) and 18 you would have received a long, deep breath and a raised eyebrow; finishing things was not my strong suit. I remember coming across one of my numerous self-inflicted illuminated projects; this one was a natural history of Australia. An exercise book had been carefully laid out page by page with the name of an animal or plant at the top of each; under this on 90% of the pages was a big blank space. The pages that I had completed were well meaningly elaborate with descriptions, illustrations, maps and the like, but the resounding message of the piece was of a project abandoned.

I have a recurring dream in which I am at college starting a new term and trying to hide the fact that I have completed no work for the previous one; attempting to sign on for a new course and start again so that the lack of substance from the previous months will go unnoticed. As I am doing it there is a sinking feeling as I acknowledge that there is little likelihood of managing any better this term... I didn't have a great time with education and I am still trying to figure out why, as I love learning; it was school I despised.

I shall carry out this project though; my shippings this year have been quite astounding considering the position I was in at the start of the year and I feel it is time to reflect and take some credit for this. But not yet... the year is on its last legs but not down and out yet. Who knows what will occur to me in its final hours. List time tomorrow, and then we begin again.