Lawyer-speak, that is. I was aware of the strange and wonderous ways of lawyers from our first and second brush with them, which involved a divorce and buying a house. Both experiences should have laid the foundations for a deep mistrust and a wish to 'stick a rocket up their ass' to paraphrase my grandmother. ( I hasten to add that my grandmother would never have sanctioned such teminology, but I'm pretty sure it was what she was thinking.)So much pondering, so much writing of things and enclosing them in plastic folders and sending them back and forward to each other and other 'parties'. So little plain facts and plain talking.
I am deeply glad that the need for lawyers rises, is tolerated, and then fades away. If I had to deal with these people on a regular basis, I would be a wreck of a woman.
Tonight I read considered report on the property we hope to rent including such pitfalls as 'incomplete linoleum' - like, do they think we might not notice this and have plans to replace said flooring? Cracked window pane. Good lord these people are uncannily blessed with insight and vision beyond our comprehension; before them we are worms. Do they expect us to move into the property as we view it and just start trading? 'Come on folks, just take a seat anywhere - watch out for the missing linoleum and the half-hanging suspended ceiling; its a feature don't you know..'
So I end up writing doublespeak. What I want to write is 'We are not morons. We know that there will be repairs necessary but we have just wasted a week of my life getting someone else to write them out, type it up and carefully bind it in plastic, just to tell me that some repairs will be necessary. Just. Do. It.
This is not, of course, what I write. But I am deeply annoyed at another weekend of piddling about waiting to see what happens next, and will be even more deeply annoyed if a solution is not forthcoming pretty damned sharpish on Monday. Camping outside the office is looking like a sensible solution.
Rant over.
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