A little neurosis in the night

I remember being told off by an ex for announcing that my theme tune should be 'All Apologies' by Nirvana; my neurosis annoyed him and he always wanted me to be another different, assertive and non-apologetic person. Funnily enough, that (among countless other reasons) is why he is an ex. Accepting my little ways and not letting them get the upper hand has taken me years since then and the process is far from complete; I just try to let myself be and nurture it towards a potential future where strange triggers don't send me into a cortisol frenzy.

The gallery has been pestered by kids on and off since I have worked there, and they function like wolves - they can smell my fear and prey on it. Yesterday I found myself in a real chemical stress hormone spin as they refused to leave and nipped away at me in a way horribly similar to the bullies I had the pleasure of attracting at school; a lot of postive mental stuff has been necessary over the last 24 hours and even now I am finding myself reliving passages of time for no reason. Kids can be total bastards, as I'm sure is scientifically proven; one of the things they latched onto and picked on me for as a child was the fact that my dad was in a mental hospital. He was, because he was dying of an undiagnosed brain tumour; I was weak and the bullies tormented me ruthlessly. No wonder I have a bit of a jumpy reaction to kids; maybe no wonder I don't have any.

Apart from that, all good. Thought I might do myself good in getting that off my chest as I can feel these things burning away unresolved and the 'blog as therapy' theory has a lot going for it!

Got a text from Ritchie today to say that he went to the 'Art off the Rock' fundraiser for Artlink in Stirling last night and my two postcards sold in the anonymous auction 'on the bell'. Buyers line up with their red dots to lay claim to paintings at the sound of a bell; they fetch £20-£30 each so I feel proud and worthy that I have done my bit and managed to flog them! He met June Carey, big hero, and bought one of her etchings; I really want to get one for my baby art collection too so maybe this time next year if not before! Something I want to concentrate on a bit next year when I am able to breathe a little easier on the financial front all things going to plan...

Feeling absolutely shattered tonight and tossing up between a well-earned nap and a few hours on Bun Hanzo, which is a painting I want to take my time over, so maybe the nap wins tonight...